there are no synonyms for the word "bittersweet"

...or so my thesaurus widget tells me.

i was looking for a different word to describe yesterday's events. you see, yesterday i said goodbye to a most cherished friend and roommate [for life!], and the experience has given me great sadness which has been tempered with genuine joy. Kristen is in Ethiopia now, and I miss her. God blessed us with time together this week, though, and I got to be with her until she boarded her bus for the airport. It was probably the hardest goodbye I've ever had to say. I think about how I have no concept of what it will be like to be away from this one for more than two years when we've scarcely spent more than two months apart since we met. But I also think about how excited I am to see how she grows, is used, and learns from her experiences. and how she'll share that with us. I was thinking about all this and wrote a few words down today:

"some part of my heart is also being taught that it is good for us to separate [. . .] Back in August when I first found out about her assignment & could see how she wanted to go, I was upset. In a way I felt like everything was falling apart. In the midst of this, the Lord quietly, gently told me that this in itself was reason enough for her to go, me to stay. Jesus, let me put none before You. He showed me that my reliance on Kristen had become my comfort.
'Why must I be punished for having good things in life, like wonderful friendship?' was my response.
'No, not punishment,' seemed to be the reply. 'This way is good [. . .] I must be sustaining - for both of you.'"

i am feeling drawn in. i have the desire lately to be alone, knowing all the while that i am not alone. so although this message probably sounds quite dramatic (which always seems to be the case with things like this) please do not worry for me. Christ desires to satisfy all of my longings, and i pray now that He will.