Bobbing

I've only come close to drowning once in my life. I was probably two years old, and it was a summer day in Lebanon, Tennessee, so naturally, my family and I were at the pool. I guess I fell in, and I just remember visions of blue and green as I bobbed up and down - over and over - for what seemed like minutes. Then, a wonderful blonde lifeguard who could give Zack Morris a run for his money valiantly pulled me from the water and earned himself a shy little admirer.

The strongest and most poignant part of this memory is the bobbing. The blue pool walls and panic of running out of oxygen... the relief of breathing in again and seeing the lawn chairs atop the edge of the pool... the blue walls and the need to breathe again. Over and over. The bobbing still seems a strange phenomenon to me, because it was like something outside of me was pushing me up to break the water's surface. I had no way of knowing how to do it consciously. Being held indefinitely down in the blue would have been terrifying, but those glimpses of the warm sun and gulps of fresh air not only sustained my oxygen flow, but they gave me some fraction of hope that all was not lost.

Lately, I feel like I've been bobbing. Feeling bogged down by the enormity of the task ahead... getting glimmers of hope and beginning to move forward with something... hitting some obstacle and feeling buried by the complications of starting something new. I'm talking about Kaberamaido and the project we're trying to design for widows and Arrow Boys there. It's been incredibly challenging to try to start something from scratch, full of ups and downs. I've had some really encouraging times when I felt like God was showing us what to do, and I've had times of discouragement when I felt like I hit a wall. Today was an encouraging day. It felt like resurfacing again after about a week of feeling saturated with doubts of how to go about giving these people what they need with our limited resources, how to really meet their physical and spiritual needs, how to determine if God wants me to wait for a very obvious sign of direction or to be bold in following paths when I'm not sure where they lead. I'm not sure yet if this is a Zack Morris moment and I'm out of the water completely - in fact, it probably isn't - but I'm just grateful to break the surface again. And I'm gaining hope that each time I come out on top will build on the last, and eventually the Lord's arms will grab me and show me that He was right there with me, even when I thought I was alone under the blue.

Thank you for already praying for us and the people of Kaberamaido. Today really was a positive day, and I know God will lead (and is leading) us to what He wants to do there. He is good.  We are going to Kaberamaido next week to lead a four-day conference for church leaders on spiritual leadership. Please pray for us during this time - we'll be teaching, leading workshops and also meeting with people there to try to move things forward with the widows' and Arrow Boys projects. Pray that I'll continue to gain strength from the times when we break the surface, and that I'll keep faith in the Lord's perfect plans and provision at all times.